Home is Where the Heart Is
by chocolatequeen
Summary: In the aftermath of the attack on Earth, two of the Enterprise crew are struggling to find their home.
1. Between a Rock and a Hard Place

Title: Home is Where the Heart Is, 1/6 Author: Chocolatequeen Rating: PG Disclaimer: I'm broke. Don't sue. Archiving: Ask first, send a link. Summary: In the aftermath of the attack on Earth, two of the Enterprise crew struggle to find where they belong. Parts 1-5 are vignettes focusing on various characters, and part 6 is the conversation.  
  
Chapter 1: Between a Rock and a Hard Place  
  
It was late. Enterprise was quiet, most of her crew asleep. Most them that is except for her chief medical officer. Dr. Phlox was puttering around his sickbay, tending to his menagerie and finding room for the last minute supplies he'd had brought on board, including one case of 200 snow beetles.  
  
As his gaze settled on the crate, his lips quirked up into a slight smile. "I wonder what the Sub-commander will decide," he mused, thinking about their earlier conversation. "I knew what she was going to ask the minutes she walked in," he told the bats as he fed them their nightly insects. "I suppose she thought she was being subtle, but it was rather obvious.  
  
"I found it interesting the way she tried to deflect my own questions however. I can't decide if she truly believed it is out of her hands, or if she wanted to believe it so she wouldn't have to make the choice. I'm inclined to think the latter, but I'm just not sure. Either way, I gave her something to think about on that count."  
  
Closing the cage, he looked down at the nocturnal animals. "I envy you, you know," he said conversationally. "You don't have to make hard decisions about whether to stay or to go. You have no conflicting loyalties. I'm afraid it's not so easy for humans or Vulcans, or even for Denobulans." He paused for a minutes, considering the ramifications T'Pol's choice could bring.  
  
"I do hope she understands all of what she would be turning her back on if she returned to Vulcan," he sighed. "I tried to remind her by juxtaposing her loyalty to the High Command against her clearly growing feelings for Captain Archer, but I'm afraid she might brush aside my implications as emotional."  
  
Finally satisfied that his work for the evening was done, Phlox dimmed the lights and walked to his quarters. "Sometimes I feel more like a marriage counselor than a doctor," he muttered as he drifted off to sleep. 


	2. Not Her Place

Title: Home is Where the Heart Is, 2/6 Author: Chocolatequeen Rating: PG Disclaimer: I'm broke. Don't sue. Archiving: Ask first, send a link. Summary: In the aftermath of the attack on Earth, two of the Enterprise crew struggle to find where they belong. Parts 1-5 are vignettes focusing on various characters, and part 6 is the conversation.  
  
Chapter 2: It's Not Her Place  
  
A week had gone by since Enterprise left space dock and Soval remained uneasy with his decision not to report T'Pol's rebellious attitude to the High Command. "She is an excellent scientist," he reminded himself. "It would be illogical to deprive the High Command of her abilities when a few months away from the influences of human emotions will re-set her priorities."  
  
He almost had himself convinced when the comm in his room beeped. "Yes?" he asked shortly.  
  
"Ambassador Soval, there is a call for you from Vulcan."  
  
"Put it through," he ordered.  
  
The image of an older Vulcan male popped up on the screen. "Greetings Ambassador," he said in a low, dignified voice.  
  
"Minister Saran, I was not expecting to hear from you tonight. Is there something I can do for you?"  
  
"The High Command received a disturbing transmission from Enterprise today, and we wished to get your opinion before deciding on a course of action."  
  
"Of course Minister."  
  
"Were you aware that Sub-commander T'Pol did not intend to return to Vulcan as ordered?"  
  
"In our last conversation she hinted that this might be her decision," Soval admitted.  
  
"Why did you not inform us?" Saran asked sternly.  
  
"Because by the end of the discussion I believed I had shown her how illogical it would be to throw away her commission," he countered.  
  
The older man sighed, his image flickering for an instant as he shook his head. "Perhaps it would be best if I heard the whole story."  
  
Soval frowned and clasped his arms behind his back. "After showing Captain Archer the recording from the Vankara, I asked T'Pol to stay behind. I then informed her of her reassignment to Vulcan. In reply she inquired about the possibility of staying in San Francisco, but I reminded her that after two years of close human contact it was prudent for her to return home."  
  
"How did she respond?"  
  
"Her focus changed from remaining on Earth to going into the Expanse with the Enterprise."  
  
"Did she indicate why she wished to do so?" Saran asked, leaning forward in his seat.  
  
Soval shifted his gaze slightly. This was a question he did not want to answer. T'Pol was under his direct command and her actions reflected back on him. "She reminded me that it had been my decision to place a Vulcan on Enterprise to begin with and asked me why this should be any different, when logic would prove so vital."  
  
"Ah. Well, it is a sound argument, though her actions were inappropriate. I believe I have all the information I need unless she said anything else which might affect our decision?"  
  
Soval hesitated only an instant before giving him the only reason he would need to end T'Pol's career. "I agree Minister that her rebuttal itself seems logical on the surface. However, I find myself questioning her motivation."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Instead of being a purely logical debate with arguments delivered in an orderly manner, she seemed almost driven by emotion."  
  
Saran's expression tightened. "I see. That changes the picture drastically, doesn't it?"  
  
"Yes sir, I believe so," Soval conceded.  
  
"I feel compelled to ask again why you chose not to inform us of this development."  
  
"Given the level of T'Pol's contact with humans, some emotion was to be expected. It seemed logical to believe that once she returned to Vulcan she would regain her previous level of control."  
  
"But she's not returning to Vulcan, is she?" Saran asked with a pointed glare.  
  
"With all due respect Minister Saran, given her recent actions it seems that the only way she would have returned to Vulcan would have been under guard. There was no way for me to know she had been corrupted so badly."  
  
"Very well Ambassador, you have been most helpful. Saran out." 


	3. Does She Belong Here?

Title: Home is Where the Heart Is, 3/6 Author: Chocolatequeen Rating: PG Disclaimer: I'm broke. Don't sue. In addition to Enterprise, I also quoted a line out of The Princess Bride. Archiving: Ask first, send a link. Summary: In the aftermath of the attack on Earth, two of the Enterprise crew struggle to find where they belong. Parts 1-5 are vignettes focusing on various characters, and part 6 is the conversation.  
  
Chapter 3: Does She Belong Here?  
  
"Argh! Can't just one thing go my way, or would that be too much to ask??" Trip exclaimed as he entered his cabin. "I've got to get some of this off my chest or I'm liable to lose my mind, if I haven't already," he muttered, tossing himself down on the bed. "Computer, access the personal log of Charles Tucker III, recognition code pi sigma alpha omicron."  
  
Rolling off the bed, he started to pace as he recalled the day's events. "I gotta remember to think before I speak," he began. "Everything was just dandy until. well, let me start at the beginning.  
  
"All I wanted to do was remind the cap'n that we'd need a science officer going into the Expanse. I tried to ease into it-you know, subtle like. I was only thinking about the mission, about what it would feel like to make them pay for killing Lizzie. I had no intention of playing Father Confessor to one half of the Enterprise lonely hearts club."  
  
He snorted in disgust, remembering how quickly things had gone wrong. "So there I was, trying to talk about work for once, and he has to go mess things up with one word." Logically, Trip knew it wasn't Jon's fault, but he wasn't a huge fan of logic at the moment.  
  
"Who woulda guessed that one little word could throw my whole plan off? I mean, I ask a question, he says no, I should ask why not or something, right? But no, he has to say "No" in that voice that says, "I don't want to talk about it and thank you from brining up such a painful subject. While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour some lemon juice in it!"  
  
Trip shoved his hands through his hair, still unable to believe that his simple question had started a counseling session. "That was when I knew this was going to be a harder conversation than I'd thought. Shoot, it was supposed to be easy! Gently remind him of his duty, talk a little, you know. But instead I walked into a talk about feelings!"  
  
He shuddered, remembering exactly what had happened. "I could tell by his tone of voice that he was trying to ignore the fact that T'Pol was leaving." Shaking his head in confusion, Trip continued his rant. "I couldn't believe what I was hearing! Just to make sure I wasn't imagining things, I asked him if he was going to miss her.  
  
"I was hoping he'd shrug it off, or laugh, or look at me like I was crazy, anything but confirming my suspicions! But instead he went and messed things up again. Oh, he didn't come right out and admit to it, but what he did say was almost worse! He told me that he used to resent her. Used to!! That means he doesn't anymore, and the only reason he'd say it like that, well if you combine it with his tone of voice and the morose attitude he had, was if he had romantic feelings for her! I guess I knew there was some sort of undercurrent there, I just didn't know how strong it was! If I had I wouldn't have brought it up.  
  
"But I did, and once he got all down about losing her, I had to be the good best friend and commiserate with him. And I do, really I do. Having to be separated from someone you care about is lousy, I know that as well as the next person. But why did he have to go and fall for a Vulcan?? I mean, it would be bad enough if she was just a member of the crew, but a Vulcan? Man, talk about complicated!! I may not understand how it happened, but I do feel for him.  
  
"So anyway, after I realized what was going on, I tried to end that part of the conversation. After all, if he started waxing poetic about her pointy ears or whatever I certainly didn't want to hear it. Besides, that wasn't the point of the conversation!! I tried to bring the focus back by agreeing that she's not as bad as we'd thought at first. She's not, I know that, but I still don't want her laissez-faire attitude keeping us from doing whatever it takes to get those creeps."  
  
Flopping down into his chair, he sighed to himself. "I guess it wasn't the best idea to phrase it to the captain quite like that though," he admitted grudgingly. "Here he'd just told me that he had feelings for her and I implied I was glad she wouldn't be coming with us! Implied hell, I flat out said it! Open mouth, insert foot. I've never seen the cap'n that. pissed before. In a personal way I mean, not at Suliban ships or Duros, or something that was threatening the ship." He stopped and pondered for an instant before going on. "And you know, his feelings for her and his reaction when I mentioned her leaving really just prove my point. He'd listen to her in the end, and I just can't handle the thought of letting the Xindi go free.  
  
"I should have known better than to criticize her to his face like that, but I just wasn't thinking straight. All I could think about was. well, I don't want to think about it anymore. Anyway, I've learned my lesson-T'Pol is not a topic for conversation. Just for the record however, I still think it's a good thing she's going." 


	4. Lost

Title: Home is Where the Heart Is, 4/6 Author: Chocolatequeen Rating: PG Disclaimer: I'm broke. Don't sue. Archiving: Ask first, send a link. Summary: In the aftermath of the attack on Earth, two of the Enterprise crew struggle to find where they belong. Parts 1-5 are vignettes focusing on various characters, and part 6 is the conversation.  
  
Chapter 4: Lost  
  
After Enterprise had diabled Duros' ship, life settled into an uneasy calm. For the first time in weeks, Captain Archer was able to be in his ready room instead of the bridge while he was on duty. He wasn't working on the piles of paperwork calling out his name though, he was simply sitting there, staring at his bookshelf and trying to find the one word that would adequately describe his current mood.  
  
"Pensive!" he said suddenly, snapping his fingers. "I'm feeling pensive, and is it any wonder? I've got a lot on my mind. Not only am I 'going boldly where no man has gone before,' I'm going somewhere very few have ever survived, attempting to save my entire planet-not to mention the fact that I'll have to do it without my science officer."  
  
Jon sighed and leaned back in his chair, knowing this was what was weighing most heavily on his mind at the moment. The Expanse was weeks away, Vulcan was only two days away. "Just two days before I lose her-before she's gone," he quickly amended. Shaking his head, he realized there was no point in lying to himself. He was going to miss her.  
  
"Trip and his blasted questions," he muttered. "If he hadn't brought up the need for a new science officer, I could have gone on pretending it didn't matter. That one little question brought the illusion crashing down around me." He paused for a moment, remembering how he had felt as he'd stared into his drink. "I felt. lost," he murmured. "Like all my moorings had been stripped away and I'd been set adrift.  
  
"I tried to hide that sudden swell of emotion with a curt, one word answer. Trip's not my best friend for nothing though, he saw through that in a heartbeat. But why did he have to ask me if I'm going to miss her?" he groaned, resting his head in his hands for a moment. "Couldn't he have left well enough alone? I really didn't want to think about it, some things should just be locked away so they hurt less."  
  
His lips quirked up into a smile as he recalled Trip's offhand attempt to make him feel better. "You'd better believe she grows on you, although I hope it's a little different for him than it is for me."  
  
His smile quickly turned into a frown when he thought about the rest of the conversation. "I still can't believe he actually could actually be glad she's going! I understand his reasoning, but his logic is way off. On the upside I guess I don't have to worry that he might be romantically interested in her," he commented drily.  
  
Jon's eyes widened when he recognized what he'd just said. "Of course I'm not interested in her either," he added hastily before slumping down even lower into his chair. "What's the use of denying it anymore?" he asked himself bitterly. "I am interested, hell I'm in love with her, not that it matters anymore. Just a few more days and then I'll never see her again."  
  
For a few minutes, he was silent, mentally cursing the High Command for taking her away from him, but then a different thought wiggled into his consciousness. "I wouldn't want her going into the Expanse anyway," he decided. "At least she'll be safe on Vulcan." He took solace in that thought, though it did little to ease his heartache.  
  
He was still brooding, staring at the book in his hands, when his door chimed five minutes later. "Come in," he called out.  
  
************************************  
  
Later that evening as he entered his quarters, Jon was still puzzling over the day's events. "I'll tell you one thing Porthos," he commented as he stripped his uniform off. "Being a Star Fleet captain teaches you to expect the unexpected." He paused in the middle of pulling on his sweats, shaking his head. "I certainly didn't expect her to ask to stay," he added wryly as he reached for a Stanford t-shirt.  
  
He continued to think out loud as he pulled the shirt over his head and flopped onto a comfortable seat. "No, that was the last thing I expected. I'd just decided that it would be best if she left when she came in. When she mentioned how far we were from Vulcan, I thought maybe she was trying to say good bye. At any rate I figured it would give us one last good talk before she left for good.  
  
"But then when she countered every one of the benefits of going home, I began to wonder what she was up to. I was sure hoping she wasn't saying what it sounded like, because the more I thought about it, the less I wanted her anywhere near that kind of danger.  
  
"As selfish as it sounds, that was what I meant when I told her she wasn't making it easy. I wanted her to want to go so I wouldn't have to worry about her. If I had to go into the Delphic Expanse, I at least wanted to know she was safe."  
  
Jon stopped for a moment to look around the cabin. When his gaze fell on Porthos he grinned sheepishly. "I've been so caught up in my thoughts that I forgot to feed you, didn't I? I'm sorry boy," he said, standing up and reaching for the dog food bag while the beagle's tail thumped wildly against the deck. "Here you go!" he said, pouring some food into the dish and patting Porthos on the head before sitting back down.  
  
"Now where was I?" he muttered. "Oh right! So there I was, trying to get her to thinka bout the positives to going home, and she came back with, 'I don't wish to return to Vulcan.' Not home, but Vulcan. It was almost like she doesn't even think of Vulcan as home anymore.  
  
"I suppose that was the beginning of the end for my argument. From that point on I was fighting a losing battle. There was just something in her voice that told me I would have to deliver her under guard if I wanted to take her home. I had to try to change her mind though, it's my job."  
  
Rocking his chair onto its back legs, he continued his line of thought. "I thought I had an out when she asked for my permission. After all, it hadn't my orders for her to leave. We both knew the High Command would never let her stay. I hoped this was just an exercise in rhetoric, but I was sorely disappointed." He had to stop for a moment to convince himself that he truly had been disappointed. It worked, at least for now.  
  
"I should have known she'd have an answer ready for everything," he admitted. "It just never occurred to me that she might resign! The idea that she'd be willing to give all that up." He let his voice trail off while he sat lost in thought for a bit.  
  
Disturbed by the sudden silence, Porthos came up behind him and nudged his nose under Jon's hand. "Hey boy," he said, absently scratching the dog's muzzle. "I tell you Porthos, you have it easy! You've never had to debate with a Vulcan.  
  
"Even as I argued with her though I found myself wanting her to stay, or at the very least wanting her to want to stay." He chuckled, realizing how illogical that was, but also knowing it was the truth. "When she told me she wanted to come because it was dangerous, I understood that she was just as concerned from my safety as I was for hers. I don't think anything's felt that good in a long time.  
  
"I still wasn't ready to concede just yet though. I tried to tell her she didn't' have to worry, but she's too smart for that. Besides, I imagine she would consider worry to be an emotion," he mused, cocking his head slightly as he pondered that possibility. "When that didn't work, I tried the bulldozer effect. You know, where you completely ignore every point your opponent has made and just run over them all with your own stubborn agenda?" he said, miming the movements of a bulldozer with his hand. Porthos just looked at him and wagged his tail a little bit.  
  
"I couldn't look her in the eye though. I was afraid she would see how much I wanted her to stay and then that would be the end of it. Instead, I turned to look out at the stars, but she came up right behind me and delivered the coup de grace."  
  
He still wasn't sure if he wanted to smile or grimace when he remembered her words, so his expression was an odd combination of the two. "You need me,' she said. Not Enterprise, but me. I wonder if she knew how right she was.  
  
"I just looked at her for a second, trying to find a solid counter argument, but there wasn't one. I know that when I walked past her onto the bridge that she thought she'd lost. I'm not sure even I was completely certain of my decision until I opened my mouth. I hesitated for a moment, but as soon as I gave the order I knew it was the right thing to do.  
  
"I almost smiled when I saw the look of surprise flash across her face. I wonder if I should tell her that surprise is an emotion," he commented with a grin.  
  
His smile faded to a contemplative look when he admitted one last thing. "There never was any question about my choice," he told the beagle. "Just between you and me Porthos, "I'd be lost without her." 


	5. Finding My Place

Title: Home is Where the Heart Is, 5/6 Author: Chocolatequeen Rating: PG Disclaimer: I'm broke. Don't sue. Archiving: Ask first, send a link. Summary: In the aftermath of the attack on Earth, two of the Enterprise crew struggle to find where they belong. Parts 1-5 are vignettes focusing on various characters, and part 6 is the conversation.  
  
Chapter 5: Finding My Place  
  
After the captain ordered Ensign Mayweather to take us to the Expanse, I stood rooted to the bridge in shock. Despite my confidence that I needed to stay on Enterprise, I knew parts of my argument had been illogical, and I had not been certain he would approve my request.  
  
Snapping out of my daze, I realized I still had to send in my resignation. "Captain, would you permit me to got to my quarters so I may prepare a transmission to Vulcan?" I requested. Seeing his nod of assent, I stepped into the turbolift.  
  
A few decks before my own, the lift stopped and Dr. Phlox joined me. "Good morning Sub-commander," he greeted me cheerfully. "Are you taking an early lunch as well?"  
  
I glanced over at him and then redirected my gaze forward. "No Doctor," I replied, clasping my hands behind my back.  
  
"Then what takes you away from the bridge in the middle of your shift?" he asked congenially.  
  
I pursed my lips in frustration when I realized he wasn't going to give up until he got an answer. The doctor's tenacity is admirable, but I did not wish to discuss my decision with him. However, it appeared that I had no choice. Suppressing a sigh, I said, "It was necessary for me to return to my quarters to prepare a message for transmission."  
  
I saw his smile brighten from the corner of my eye. "Wonderful! You decided to stay aboard Enterprise!" he enthused. "What changed your mind?"  
  
I paused to look at him a minute before answering. "I merely came to the conclusion that it was simply a matter of loyalty," I finally answered, quoting his own words back at him.  
  
If possible, his smile stretched even wider at that. "I'm glad to hear it Sub-commander. We all would have been sad to see you go."  
  
Luckily the doors opened to my deck before I was forced to say anything else. Being sure of my decision did not automatically mean I wanted to discuss it. "Thank you Doctor," I said politely as I stepped onto the deck. "Now if you'll excuse me."  
  
"Of course. Have a nice afternoon!" he called after me as I retreated down the corridor.  
  
A moment later I was keying in my code and entering my cabin. Taking a deep breath, I picked up a data padd and began composing my letter of resignation.  
  
After an hour of writing, I stood for a moment, stretching the kinks out of my neck. Holding the padd in my right hand, I read the letter out loud while pacing the deck. "Greetings Minister Saran," it began. "I regret to inform you that I will be unable to return to Vulcan at this time. Despite the orders I have received, I believe my continued presence on Enterprise will be vital to its success in this mission, and I cannot in good conscience abandon them to face the Delphic Expanse without a science officer.  
  
Be assured that I fully comprehend the repercussions of my actions and that I take full responsibility for them. In light of the situation, I hereby tender the resignation of my commission, effective immediately. Live long and prosper, Minister."  
  
I nodded slowly, satisfied with what I had written. Now all that remained was to ask Ensign Sato to transmit it for me. I opened the door, intending to return to the bridge, but when I stepped into the corridor I came face to face with Commander Tucker, who was wearing an indecipherable expression. "Commander Tucker," I acknowledged, attempting to walk past him.  
  
"You're doin that eyebrow thing again Sub-commander. I guess you weren't expecting to see me," he remarked almost too casually, falling into step with me.  
  
"Should I have?" I asked drily.  
  
In response, he shrugged his shoulders in that laconic manner he has. "I s'pose not. Listen, I wanted to talk to you. Why don't I ride up to the bridge with you?"  
  
"Do I have a choice?" I muttered.  
  
"What was that?" he asked as the turbolift door shut behind us.  
  
"Nothing Commander. What was it you wished to speak with me about?"  
  
He looked directly into my eyes for an instant, all traces of humor wiped from his face. "I heard you'll be joining us in the Expanse after all," he started.  
  
"That is correct."  
  
"Yeah well I just wanted to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into. This isn't some innocuous mission of exploration. When we find the Xindi, we won't be sitting down with them for tea, we will be fighting to save our planet. Now I know that's not the way you Vulcans like to do things, but I need to know you're on board with this."  
  
I had to fight to keep my jaw from hitting the floor as I stared at him. I looked for any sign that he was joking, but he was, to use his own vernacularism, as serious as a heart attack. It took me a moment, but I soon figured out what he was trying to say and why. "Commander, I assure you I will not stop the captain from doing his duty," I replied as we were reaching the bridge.  
  
He nodded, almost smiling while we stepped out of the lift together. "Well as long as we understand each other then," he said.  
  
I vaguely noticed that the captain turned to stare at us when he heard that, but I was too focused on giving the message to Ensign Sato to really notice. However, after she promised me she would transmit it immediately, I turned to go to my station, I noticed him watching me. Returning his gaze, I raised my brows in question, silently asking him if there was something he wished to talk about. He turned his head away from me and I returned to my station, a little confused.  
  
A few minutes later he looked up at me again. This time he finally said something: "T'Pol, could you join me in my ready room?" he requested.  
  
I looked at him quizzically after the door had shut behind us. "Is something wrong Captain?" I inquired.  
  
"Yes. no. maybe."  
  
"That is not a logical answer," I replied calmly.  
  
"Well it's not a logical question T'Pol!" he exclaimed.  
  
I blinked once, trying to comprehend what was going on. "I'm sorry Captain. It seemed logical to ask if there was something wrong when you called me into your ready room only a few hours after our last conversation.  
  
He shook his head, clearly growing impatient with the situation. "Not that question!"  
  
This encounter was getting more bizarre by the minute. I had to squelch a sudden urge to ask him if he'd been feeling well lately. "I was unaware there was another."  
  
"I have a question for you T'Pol," he finally clarified, exasperated.  
  
"I see. And this question is not logical?" I was trying to understand, but past experiences with the captain in this state led me to believe that might be a hopeless venture. All I could hope was that eventually it would make sense.  
  
He cast me a baleful glare and then faced his back toward me as he gazed out at the stars. I waited, knowing that it wouldn't be long before he spoke. He couldn't remain silent for long when he was in this emotional state, but I never would have anticipated what he said when he did speak. "What did Trip mean when he said he was glad you understood each other?"  
  
For a minute a felt an absurd and completely abnormal desire to laugh, but the serious and somewhat concerned look on his face stopped me even if my Vulcan heritage would not have. "He merely wanted to be certain I understood the gravity of the mission, Captain," I replied, choosing my words carefully. While Commander Tucker's actions made perfect sense given the situation, it is usually frowned upon for an officer to tell his superior officer that he expects her to do her duty and I had no desire to get him in trouble.  
  
Apparently I chose the right words, for some of the tension drained from his face. "Good. I was afraid he'd. well, there were some things he was talking about earlier and I just wanted to be sure he wasn't making you feel unwelcome."  
  
Now I understood where this was coming from and I was once again surprised by the intuitiveness of my captain-surprised and grateful. Understanding the question went a long way towards knowing what answer to give. "I believe he was simply trying to ask me why I chose to stay aboard Enterprise instead of going back to Vulcan," I told him.  
  
He looked at me inquisitively. "I've been wondering that myself. I don't suppose you have an answer you'd care to share."  
  
I thought for a moment, weighing my possible responses. "I don't belong on Vulcan anymore," I said finally. "Now if that was all you wished to speak with me about, may I return to my station?" I asked, effectively cutting off his next question. I did not mind him knowing that Vulcan was no longer my home, but he didn't need to know that Enterprise had filled that spot in my life. That would have started a whole chain of questions that I didn't know the answers to myself. All I knew is that I had finally found a place where I belong. 


	6. Finding Our Way Home

Title: Home is Where the Heart Is, 6/6 Author: Chocolatequeen Rating: PG Disclaimer: I'm broke. Don't sue. Archiving: Ask first, send a link. Summary: In the aftermath of the attack on Earth, two of the Enterprise crew struggle to find where they belong. Parts 1-5 are vignettes focusing on various characters, and part 6 is the conversation.  
  
Chapter 6: Finding Our Way Home  
  
The time was 20:10. Beta shift had taken over two hours earlier, leading the Enterpirse deeper into the Expanse. Most of Alpha shift had finished their suppers and were retreating to their quarters to relax, but a few still lingered in the mess hall.  
  
"Mint tea, hot," T'Pol told the replicator.  
  
"I would have thought you'd be in your quarters meditating by now," a voice behind her commented.  
  
Only years of control kept her from jumping at the unexpected sound. "Good evening Captain," she replied calmly.  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you," he said with a chuckle.  
  
"What makes you think you did?" she challenged.  
  
"Your shoulders tensed. Don't look so surprised, I have known you for two years now. I'm starting to pick up on these things," he said with a grin.  
  
She looked at him for a second, unable to decided if she appreciated him being able to read her like that. "I see," she finally said, belatedly taking her tea in hand and moving away from the replicator to give Jon room.  
  
"Coffee, black," he requested and picked up the mug before turning back to her. "Don't worry, I'm not going to reveal any of your secrets," he reassured her. "I just find it helpful being able to tell what my senior staff is thinking.  
  
As he spoke, he and T'Pol left the mess, moving in the direction of their quarters, walking in companionable silence. After a few minutes, Jon broke the silence to ask a question that had been on his mind most of the afternoon. "Actually, that reminds me. I was wondering if you could clear something up for me. I was a little confused by something you said earlier," he said, taking a sip of his coffee while he waited for her answer.  
  
"Of course Captain, what was it?" she replied, cupping her hands around the warmth of the teacup.  
  
He hesitated, glancing around the passageway before speaking. "This might take a while," he hedged. "Why don't you join me in my quarters and we can talk?"  
  
Seeing her nod of acquiescence, he passed her door and continued down the corridor until they reached his own. Punching in the entry code, he stepped back so she could enter first, then walked in after her, collaring Porthos just before he could leap on her. "Easy boy," he said soothingly. "I know you're excited to see us, but you can't jump on our guest," he scolded. "Now are you ready for dinner?" For a moment the beagle seemed torn, but apparently even the Vulcan couldn't compare with food. Sniffing her one last time, he bounced over to the dish, his claws clicking against the deck.  
  
Grabbing the dog food bag, Jon glanced over his shoulder at her. "Why don't you have a seat?" he suggested. "This will only take a minute. There you go Porthos," he told the dog as he filled the dish.  
  
For a few minutes, the only sound in the room was the crunch, crunch of the dog eating, but once Jon was seated T'Pol jumped right in. "What was it you wanted to ask me Captain?" she questioned.  
  
He sighed wearily, rubbing his hand across his face. "T'Pol, it's been hard being the captain today. Do you think you could just call me Jonathan? Besides," he added before she could object, a glint of humor in his eyes, "you're a private citizen now."  
  
"That still doesn't answer the question of why I'm here, Jonathan," she reminded him.  
  
"No, it doesn't, but it makes me feel better," he replied with a small smile. He looked at her a moment before continuing. "I wanted to thank you for your attitude on the bridge today. You were a rock."  
  
"You told me months ago that if Enterprise were to go on this mission, you would need my support."  
  
Surprised, he fell silent. "Was that why you stayed?" he asked a minute later.  
  
"In part," she answered.  
  
Noticing the evasiveness that flashed across her face, he pushed for more. "What was the rest of it?"  
  
He could tell from her sigh she didn't want to answer the question, but she did anyway. "Because Enterprise is my home," she said simply. He sensed there was more she wasn't saying, but the shock that rippled through him when she called his ship her home kept him from asking anything more before she could turn the question back to him. "While we're on the subject Jonathan, why didn't you want me to remain aboard?"  
  
Suddenly Jon realized that being in the hot seat was far less pleasant than asking the questions. "What makes you think I didn't want you to stay?" he stalled, his mind racing as he sought an answer she might accept.  
  
Raising an eyebrow, she said, "Because your arguments were illogical."  
  
"What do you mean? It was completely logical to remind you that the High Command wouldn't let you stay," he countered, hoping against hope that might end the discussion, but he was to be disappointed.  
  
Instead T'Pol favored him with a look that she might have given a small child or a very dense adult. "It was completely logical until I told you that it did not apply anymore," she said slowly, as if she was making sure he could understand her. "Yet even then you persisted by mentioning my possible replacements, why?"  
  
Jon knew when he was beaten. Stripped of his defenses, he stood and turned his back to her while preparing himself to be completely honest. "This is going to be a dangerous mission T'Pol," he began in a quiet voice. "There is a good chance not all of us will make it home. I can hope all I want that you will not be numbered in the casualties, but I know there is a chance you will die out here. As vital as you are to the running of this vessel, a part of me would have preferred knowing that you were safe on Vulcan."  
  
She stayed silent for a minute, digesting what he'd just told her and observing him. Two years had taught her a few things about his body language as well. Right now, he was holding himself rigidly with his hands behind his back. She recognized it as a pose he had picked up from her and that he used whenever he was nervous or upset. Since he hadn't sounded upset that left obviously left nervous, but why should he be nervous? Her mind drifted for a moment but snapped back to reality when he moved to face her again, uncertainty evident in his eyes. Making a quick decision, he looked at him and solemnly said, "That was also why I wanted to remain."  
  
"You remained because you knew you might not return home?" he asked, confused. "I'm afraid I don't follow," he said hesitantly.  
  
"No, not because I knew I might not survive, but because I knew the danger you were heading into," she explained, "and I refused to let you face it without me. I could not send you home to keep you safe as you tried to do, but I could come with you in an attempt to keep you safe myself."  
  
He stared at her for a long time, a glimmer of emotion flickering in his eyes, but then shook his head slowly. "No, you're not understanding me. I didn't just want to keep you safe because you're my friend or a good officer. I'm in love with you T'Pol," he confessed, his gaze melting into a caress. "As much as I need you here, not only as my first officer but as my steady rock, the one person I need as much as I need air, I die a little everyday knowing how much danger you'll be in while we're in the Expanse. You didn't have to do this."  
  
"Jonathan!" she interrupted, standing up in front of him. "How many captains do you think I would disobey orders for?" she asked with a glint of humor.  
  
The soft glow in his eyes blazed into a fire and he took a step towards her. "Ten?" he asked teasingly.  
  
"Lower," she told him, moving within arm's distance from him.  
  
"Hm. five?" he guessed, reaching up to stroke her cheek with the backs up his knuckles.  
  
"Not quite," she replied, leaning into his touch.  
  
"Then how many?" he whispered, pulling her into his arms.  
  
"Only you," she breathed just before his lips met hers.  
  
Around them, the Enterprise moved farther into the Expanse, carrying her crew into uncharted skies, but in that quiet cabin millions of kilometers from anything familiar, two lovers had finally found their way home. 


End file.
